Mind Over Matter

#contentology #mindovermatter

Mind over matter is a simple saying, but is incredibly meaningful. ⁣
Whilst the definition is about being able to control a physical condition by controlling our mind, this ability to use our mind to control our physical self and other things, can lends itself to so many circumstances. ⁣
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For me it’s about our ability to manage our emotions such as stress and anxiety, it’s the way we can push through pain when we are exercising or push through fatigue when we need to urgently get things done.⁣
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But on a deeper level, I think about mind over matter as our ability to develop our thinking to shift what actually matters in our life. It’s our ability to choose and develop what we think which then translates into actions. ⁣
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I know that there is so much that we can do if we have the mindset behind it, but often we forget how much we actually need to train our patterns of thinking, so that our actions flow from it more naturally. ⁣
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This is why when we are learning new skills we need to practice the thinking and reasoning behind this, practice the actions and then repeat it until it becomes a habit. ⁣Mind over matter in the moment is easy, but making longer term mindset change is a different thing altogether.
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It is also really important to have supports around you when you are trying to develop a new mindset -because it can be quite easy for new intentions to only last for a short time- and before you know it, old habits have reemerged and your new decisions for change have waned. ⁣
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This is not because mindset is not powerful, it really is, but because everyone needs to be supported, coached and reminded about why the change is so important and this is what helps us to make lasting change.⁣

So think about your mindset and whether it is working for you or against you and whether there are some changes you’d like to make! I’m naturally an optimist, however I still find it incredibly important to be be around other optimists to help my positivity, resilience and abundance beliefs.
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PS. I have recently developed a brand new online parent coaching group that is for you if you are to be a parent that is new to autism and you want to learn how positivity, mindset, support and can change the trajectory of your journey, please check out Glimmer, the Autism journey.⁣
https://katefrench.lpages.co/prism-program-1-glimmer/

What ‘gets your goat?’

#contentology

#whatgetsyourgoat?

It is so interesting that in thinking about what ‘gets your goat’ which
means what really, really irritates you has been expressed in this really
unusual way.

And although I have used this phrase, I was curious to where it came
from…..there are a couple of theories, one is that goats used to be put
in with race horses to keep them calm and if there were no goats with
them they became unsettled. And theory is that because goats can be
irritable, it is connected to them and the third theory is that to ‘goat’ is
slang for ‘anger’. Regardless of where it was derived, language can be really interesting
as well as challenging to make sense of for many people.
Just yesterday I was reading a new book, which detailed all the
common ways autism can present in individuals, including have
differences in language ability and expression. (The Ice-cream Sunday
Guide to Autism by Debby Elley and Tori Houghton, 2020)
The differences can range from being non-verbal, having some
language delays, having specific language disorders such as dyslexia
as well, having exact and/or advanced encyclopaedic language skills,
to having difficulties in understanding the social use of language,
including being challenged by the many idioms that we use!
An idiom is a phrase or expression that typically presents a figurative,
non-literal meaning, so if you tend to think very literally you can see that
idioms are going to be a challenge.

If you think literally and in pictures and someone asks you ‘what gets
your goat?’ You could be picturing a goat, you could be confused as
you don’t own a goat and have no idea why someone would be asking
about getting a goat (from where?!)…..

And idioms are used all of the time in our day to day language and
these too can cause confusion if taken literally.
Ones like: “Hang on a minute”, “In a tick”, “Feeling blue”, “Seeing red”
“I’ve run out of steam”, and a ‘Different kettle of fish’ are just some of
the ones that are more commonly used in every day conversations that
could be quite confusing for some people.

So I’m always working on being more aware of the idioms I use and
making sure I check in to speak without using idioms (so say exactly
what I mean) and teach them the idiom if they are unfamiliar.

So check out your use of idioms in your family, have fun exploring what
kind of pictures come into the minds of the children and teens your
know and be sure to take some time to explore and explain the ones
that you commonly- so that there is no confusion!

Clean Slate

#contentology

#cleanslate

How awesome is the beginning of something new and fresh like the beginnings of a new month but also the beginnings of Spring! ⁣
For me, I love the warmth, so the change of Seasons into the warmer months of the year fills me with freshness and optimism and joy. It also means we are a few steps closer to hopefully having our current social restrictions being eased slightly (fingers crossed).⁣
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Having a new slate or a new beginning is like getting to the first page of a new book you can’t wait to read, or a new Netflix/Stan/Disney series season you’ve been hanging out to watch. There is anticipation and excitement as well as nervousness that it won’t be as good as you hope it will be.⁣
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However not everyone sees a clean slate as a good thing, or are even able to see new beginnings easily. For many, change, transitions and new beginnings can bring up new things we need to navigate-even with something as seemingly simple as a new Season. ⁣
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But I know that a new Season brings the possibility of getting used to new clothes (as bodies grow and the weather warms), new routines- as changes the in the daylight begin to impact bedtime routine and sleep, and in our situation, new changes to schooling routine as we hope to transition back to school (in Term 3), just to mention a few. ⁣
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It’s a common experience that navigating change and beginnings is not always easy, which is why it is really important that we have support at these times. ⁣
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However, if you are keen to embrace this new Season, can visualise that we have the opportunity for a clean slate and are open to growth and optimism, then you might be ready to join me in my new parent coaching program that begins next week! ⁣
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This is best suited for families that are newer to being involved in the autism ‘world’ and would like to view their future with hope, feelings of support and a plan.⁣
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If you think this describes you, please feel free to learn more. ⁣
https://katefrench.lpages.co/prism-program-1-glimmer/
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Wishing you a wonderful first day of Spring!⁣
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Kate ⁣

BrightSide

#contentology

#brightside

I’m someone who naturally looks on the bright side of things, a trait that most of the time can be very good, as I tend not to get depressed or deflated easily (or for too long). ⁣
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The only time that I find this tendency to look on the bright side is a drawback is when I’m listening to my children (mainly), I want to head into problem solving mode too quickly! When I do this, I’m aware that this can be felt as very dismissive and probably heading into the area of ‘toxic positivity’! ⁣
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So I’m very aware of this tendency and to combat it I try to sit with the distress, anger, complaints etc as they come and just accept all the emotions (STEP 1 OF BEING A GOOD EMOTION COACH!), without trying to change these feelings into anything else.⁣
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And while I don’t always succeed, I know when I do this, my children find their own way to a brighter side on their own.⁣
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Being on the bright side also has great meaning for the work that I do, especially as the partnership between myself and Danielle has been coined Bright Side Learning and Therapy as it’s a joining of both our businesses (Bright Futures Mildura and Side by Side Psychology).⁣
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Speaking of which, I think I should also let you know that we have a great line up of groups commencing in September and October 2020!⁣
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In the September school holidays-we have two Minecraft themed social emotional groups beginning on the 28th September which run for the week, which suit children ranging from Prep all the way through to Grade 6.⁣
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Then in Term 2 on the 12th October, we are running for the first time, the Westmead Feelings Program, an autism specific program for children aged 6-8 years.⁣
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And in addition to this, I also have my own online parent coaching group GLIMMER, the Autism Journey beginning next week on the 7th September. And in here we will talk about how to support your children and some ways to develop positivity and how to learn about emotion coaching further.⁣
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https://katefrench.lpages.co/prism-program-1-glimmer/⁣
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Reach out if you, or anyone you know might be interested in these programs, to find out more about how to apply, or to be involved!⁣
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Wishing you an amazing last day of WINTER and I look forward to welcoming SPRING with you tomorrow!⁣

Kate x

Nickname

#contentology #nickname

A name that I was given by a few friends in high school was ‘Saunderhead’ or ‘Saunders’ (maiden surname). Only a few call me by these, but especially now, it’s fun to be called names that were made with fondness, by friends that I still know and love, from many, many years before.

Do you have a nickname that you are no longer called or has a nickname from childhood stuck? Would you be game to share it here?!

Photo by Leonardo Sanches on Unsplash

Be Optimistic

#contentology⁣
#somethingIknowforsure⁣
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Something I know for sure is that when we do the work, when we make the change, we will get the positive payoff. ⁣
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I have certainty in the strategy’s and skills that I teach my clients and families and know for sure that if we practice them regularly in between sessions, that you will get the progress that you are after. ⁣
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I also know for sure that if you expect that ONLY getting knowledge will not transform you and your skills, it will not create change at the same rate, in fact that change will be quite slow.

Implementation is the key to making change.⁣

I also know for sure that optimism is an antidote to stress, anxiety and depression. And I know for sure that learning skills to develop an optimistic outlook on life is possible even for those that tend to experience anxiety more easily. I know for sure that if you develop optimism there is little that you will not be able to manage.⁣
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So take the steps to reflect on your tendency to experience the world-do you look at all that can go wrong, or can you see any challenge as an opportunity?⁣
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If you need ideas on how you might be able to develop this, feel free to join my Positive Psychology for Autism Facebook group, as we share all things relating to developing an optimistic outlook.⁣

I also have a Friday Live each Friday afternoon where I share my thoughts on child psychology and positive psychology if you’d like to join me.

Kate x

GLIMER the Autism Journey is an online parent coaching group and begins 7th September 2020

https://katefrench.lpages.co/prism-program-1-glimmer/

Love Languages

#contentology #lovelanguages

Gary Chapman has written a number of books including The 5 Love
Languages, indicating he believes that humans have different ways of
expressing and receiving love from our partners and those we care
about. He’s gone on to write about these love languages and how they
can be utilised with our children and family members, not just our
romantic partner.
He indicated that for each of us, we can feel more ‘loved’ when it is
‘spoken’ to us in the manner that we value the most.


The 5 kinds he described are:
Words of Affirmation-when people use words and praise, you feel
valued
Acts of Service-when people do things for you, you feel valued and
loved
Receiving Gifts-when people buy things for you, you feel loved and
valued
Quality Time-when people spend time with you, you feel valued
Physical Touch-and when you experience touch from another, you feel
loved and valued.
However looking at these closer, it is clear that while we may have a
preference along these at different time, the purpose behind
understanding this is so that we begin to learn to understand our
partner or children’s language better, so we can become better at understanding them and adjusting our behaviour so that our actions are
aligned and in tune with them (not so that we find a partner or expect
others to necessarily learn our ‘language’.)
While these love languages seem to have a simple solution for
‘matching’ with others, it is really just the beginning of understanding
relationship styles and does not predict that a match in this regard will
produce more positive or long-lasting relationship satisfaction.
On the other hand John and Julie Gottman have been researching
relationships for decades and their model is about having layers of
relationships, with the foundation is built of developing a ‘love map’ of
your partner and their internal world. After this foundation is laid then
the further layers can be built upon. And core indicators of success in a
relationship will be around the habits for bidding for attention and how
conflict is managed. (The Gottman Institute is also responsible for the
research around emotion coaching parenting style and how we develop
more emotionally resilient children!)
So no matter what our preferences for expressions of care (and in fact
quality time is something that all successful relationships require), the
point is how to we learn about and respond to the needs of those
around us, rather than expecting that it will occur the other way around.

Spontaneous or Planned

#contentology #spontaneousorplanned

Being spontaneous is definitely not in my nature, in fact it’s something that
I’m actually trying harder to do, to inject more fun and more lightness into my
mental attitude and into my children’s life. So on the weekend I suggested
going to a new place for a walk, which initially was met with some
apprehension and questions, it was a really welcomed change, that led to
some lovely family time together.
I think that naturally I like to have a plan, even though I’m fairly happy to go
with the flow if I like and trust other’s plans.

In my daily work, though I know for many of my clients that sticking to a plan
is a pivotal part of managing anxiety. For many of us that don’t have sensory
systems that are easily overwhelmed or have trouble predicting the nature of
social situation, new and unexpected tings can be lots of fund and
exhilarating, but for many on the autism spectrum this triggers the fight or
flight reflex, which is definitely not fun.
So think about you, think about your children and whether spontaneity has a
place in your life and whether it’s something that you could create more of,
or whether it’s something you need to reduce for the needs of your children.

Something I learnt

#contentology

#somethingILearnt

It’s that if I say I’m going to do something and actually put a deadline on it, I
tend to get it done. I was meeting with my small mentoring group yesterday
and talking about my program Glimmer that I wanted to get out as quick as
possible, because later in the year I’m getting busier and busier with
delivering other parenting groups and face to face groups with children. So I
was saying that I had a small window to get it ready for launch, with only a
small amount of time to let people know it was available. The consensus,
was that I just do it and make sure I can adjust my expectations of what
‘success’ meant considering how much marketing of it I would be able to
achieve.

So on Friday afternoon during the Facebook Livestream I did, I mentioned
Glimmer in there briefly and that it would be available very soon-I think I said
Monday. I did this deliberately, because I knew that if I said it would be
available, I would make it happen. So Saturday I did some work on it, but
also took some time off to spend with the family, because I need to have a
break from work if my brain is going to be clear enough to focus (also
something I’ve learnt and am slowly become better at putting into practice!),
and then by Monday afternoon/evening it was ready to go!

So the important thing I have learnt is to have great people around you to
guide you, have a great mentor that will give you the confidence to just do
things, use the support of others for to help make you accountable and
create a deadline for yourself-can be keys for creating change.So if you you are keen to learn, grow and do it within a group where you will get support and accountability, then I’m giving you a short deadline to make the decision by-as I have just launched GLIMMER—my online autism parent program which begins on the 7th September.

I can assure you there will be more than one thing that you will learn in this
group!

Family Games

#contentology

#makingfunfamilygames

During iso, we’ve gotten our hands on Cards Against Humanity-Family
edition and this has been a great lot of fun for everyone. And during the first
iso in particular we were playing this a bit. And UNO Flip, which is a new
edition of UNO and lots and fun and laughter for everyone-with games
becoming quite competitive at times!

The kids have also been playing another called Exploding Kittens, that I’ve
not had a go at yet, but looks like lots of fun. Our latest thing, whilst not a game, is getting out on our bikes and heading
for a ride down to the river, with my youngest deciding reluctantly to join
myself and my eldest daughter.

And although she found it fairly tough on her legs at times and her hands
could not move by the time we got home (it was very cold!), she seemed to
really enjoy it.

I think it’s time to get into some more family games and I might try out
Exploding Kittens with the girls next time!.

It doesn’t really matter what game you play, but making sure you have some
time to focus on making fun family memories, can be one positive to come
out of the restrictions off after school activities we have seen happen this
year.