It’s interesting that my daughter had to fill out her family tree for a school project last night, so phone calls were made to both sets of our parents to request the names of Great, Great grandparents on both sides of the family. It’s amazing to see the history of our families generations laid out to see and how it all leads to us and our family, here and now. And when I think of my relatives, distant and close I know that I’m blessed to have a family that fills me with gratitude, that I enjoy spending time with and am able to also call my friends. However it drives home how I’m missing my family both near and far and how much I miss our big family gatherings. And with the NSW border close making it difficult for either of us to move across the bridge, even family that is near geographically, feels much further than I would like. I’m thinking of my sister, her husband and my gorgeous baby niece that is in lockdown in Melbourne, with the worry of COVID right on their doorstep. I’m also thinking of my family overseas, wondering when they will be able to come home again and when we will be able to plan to see them. So I’m keeping my family close through messages, pictures and video-calls and hoping everyone stays safe through this challenging time.
Small things like a focus of attention can make a big impact.
This morning my Calm App notification popped up as it does to ask me how I was feeling. Sometimes I swipe the notification off, other times I do a mood check in and do a short meditation.
This morning I did the mood check in (unsure=covid), and I was offered some options and one of these was a 10 minute body scan. I thought ‘I’ve got time to take 10 minutes to check in and do a body scan’ even though I didn’t really feel like doing so.
So I’ve just done this, taken the time to allow my attention to slowly travel across my body and let my breath become soft and easy. Just doing this little thing has done a number of fairly big things for me-it’s eased lots of tension that was around my eyes, my jaw, my shoulders and back and it’s cleared my mind so I can begin the day in a much better mindset. The heaviness and stress that was sitting in my body has totally lifted nad it’s also given my the clarity of what to write-as I was stuck before.
So taking the time to actually narrow your attention, relax your breathing for a few minutes and do the little things that we know are good for us (but don’t always do!), is so, so important and can have a massive impact!
So I hope you remember the little things and how these can have profound influence on your day. Happy Tuesday, Kate
The biggest things that we achieve all come from a million tiny steps or changes. Whether they were planned or unplanned, things that happen or that we create in our lives are made up of many, many tiny parts that lead you to feeling like you have achieved or been part of something momentous. So when I think of my biggest things, whether it be finishing my Masters to become a psychologist, travelling overseas for the first time (and choosing to move past my fear of heights and go paragliding in Chamonix because I didn’t want to miss out on something amazing that my husband was definitely going to do!) or getting married and then becoming a mum, or beginning my own business, each of these did not happen because just because of luck or circumstance. They happened because of a dream and a vision of what I wanted my life to be like and then the plan that evolved from it. But more than that, along the way there were many other events that had to also happen for these big dreams to come true. When I’m dreaming of the next big thing that I want to happen in my life, this is just the first step in making it happen. Allowing this dream to become so real and so clear that the ‘how it’s going to happen’ is not really a question, as the steps appear and you take them. It’s also being aware that fear and uncertainty is likely to be a part of achieving these things-it is totally normal to have those. It’s equally it’s important not to let those emotions stop you. So my wish for myself and for you is to create and hold onto your vision of what a big thing would be for you, acknowledge the worry and the doubts and choose to go after those big dreams anyway. Kate
This morning my mood is flat after the announcements of yesterday afternoon and it sits heavily in my body. My energy feels depleted and I feel the familiar flutter of discomfort in my chest and stomach as 100 questions run through my mind about what these restrictions are going to be like again for my family, my children, my business, for my colleagues business around me, for my clients, my friends and my family affected by these shutdowns. I worry about the impact on the broader communities mental health and overall ability to cope with ongoing uncertainty. I worry about a negative spiral that has been happening this year and just how much resilience people are going to be able to find.
Although we have been here before-so there is some understanding of being able to cope with it-it also means that the parts we did not like about it shut down are going to back with us again. And for others in VIC, the restrictions tighter than ever before, so this is a new unknown for them. Knowing that it is for the greater good and that it is to make us all safer in the end, does help, but it is also still gut-wrenching.
So allowing myself to sit with these uncomfortable feelings, name my emotions and then look for all those things that I’m happy with, is alignment for me. Because it is following my own advice, directions, science of happiness, and it’s me ‘walking the talk’ that I know with 100% conviction helps mindset, outlook and optimism.
So here goes: I’m grateful that my family are safe, that even doing home schooling again we have a plan to make it work and will be ok, that we will priorities around exercise even more than last time because it is so helpful to our minds and bodies, that I’m grateful that this weekend we got out and enjoyed our (unmasked) freedom and spent time in the sunshine and nature (thank you 22 degrees in Winter!). I’m grateful that I get to live in a such a beautiful location surrounded by my friends and family.
I’m grateful that I was able to see my parents (my mum who had made and brought me essential masks for us to wear), and grateful that I got to see other family and friends over the weekend and share in some birthday wishes. I’m grateful that I will get to keep working no matter what and that my ability to support and contain will be more important than ever. And I’m grateful for my good health.
Just writing these things helps to settle the anxiety and lift the weight a little. I’m going to take it one moment at a time if need be, I’m going to name my negative feelings, reframe if I need to and look for those things that I’m am so grateful for.
So if this helped you to feel less alone in your emotions and you want to learn how to use gratitude to stay aligned to what you believe in, reach out and let me know.
Spreading good news is really important, especially now. Kate x
I think of roughing it and camping in the same vein, even though it does not necessarily need to be. It’s more that it is not the way I’d choose to have a holiday, as there is a lot of work that needs to be done to get ready for it and lots to do when you are camping (and it’s dirty, with no hot showers!). So although my hubby and kids love camping, it is not my thing generally, as it always felt like it was roughing it, a bit too much for my liking.
But in light of no holidays on the horizon that would come close to what I would be envisaging, at this stage camping does not even feel like it would be roughing it at all. In fact any break into nature, away from stressors and pressures, would be quite welcomed! So due to lots of things going on around us right now, my version of what feels like ‘roughing it’ has drastically changed!
So tonight, even though I’m not on holiday like I was planning to be, I am safe and well, I have family, food, drink and wonderful people in my orbit, and have spent three days absorbing amazing information from mentors and leaders in their field at a virtual conference— so am filled with gratitude. I hope that you don’t feel like things are too rough for you to handle at the moment because things can certainly feel incredibly rough. But that you allow yourself to acknowledge the feelings and then hopefully find something more positive on the other side.
Surprises when they are good, for most people, including me are wonderful! It means people have been thinking about you, planning and feeling excited about your anticipated joy.
The best surprises I’ve been a part of are when we’ve planned for family members from afar to come and surprise my parents or other family.
However for some people, surprises, even if they involve good things, can be too unsettling and can cause feelings of anxiety. How do surprises go in your family?
Seeing the world in black and white, which is an analogy for seeing things in an either/or manner, is a tendency that many of my teens begin to recognise in themselves, or a tendency that parents may recognise in their children. This preference is usually apparent when the individual has little tolerance for uncertainty or has trouble seeing a situation from another’s perspective. And whilst there is nothing wrong from wanting certainty (in fact it is human drive to want this), there is a skill in being open to seeing things as ‘grey’. Being able to see the ‘grey’ means you can acknowledge uncertainty, that you can sit with the in-between feeling, tolerate not having absolute answers and being flexible in your thoughts. Growing our awareness to see the beauty in seeing all the shades of grey and recognising our instincts or tendencies to wish that things were ‘black and white’ is a skill that can be developed. Recognising our preferences in this area is the first place to start. So have you noticed your go-to perspective? Black/white or Grey?
What’s on my bedside…..books, jewellery and water and my blue-light Baxter Blue glasses and my iPhone.
The most important things are my books that I’m reading (currently a fiction series), books that I’m about to read (just about to start Neurotribes by Steve Silberman), books for journalling in and my mentor’s book! #visible.
It tends to get a little crowded and untidy, then I have to clear it all and start again, but the pattern repeats, with piles of books beginning again!
What’s outside in our environment has a big impact on our insides! Whilst knowing that working on our mindset, thoughts, beliefs and emotions is a wonderful thing to do to help us change, we must not forget the impact that our surroundings having on us as well. So being mindful of what is outside and around us and how this affects our mood is really important. It’s why a clean space makes us feel calm, it’s why being outside in nature is a form of mindfulness and reset, it’s why natural light is so important for our sleep/wake cycles and wellbeing.
So check in with what’s around you in your home or your work place to see if you could make some changes to improve it. Or actually do a simple tasks and take yourself outside today. It could be for a walk, or just a moment in the sunshine. Take a few breaths, find a moment of gratitude for being able to have this freedom and enjoy your outside.
Kate French 